They're talking about J-Town!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I think...

Somedays I come home from work and I think how great it would be to be able to have the kind of energy where I can work all day, workout, come home, make dinner, have time to clean and live this idyllic little life where I am so neat and tidy and yet I still have time to read great novels, and bake cookies.

However, I am stuck in a world where I am in the office until 7 most days (yay for leaving at 6 today to get my nails done). If I am lucky enough to have time to work out I do, and yet, my apartment is a complete sty, my fridge has nothing in it (only Lean Cuisines and open bags of corn).

I wish I had the time to do these things and have everything be perfect. So I can be this cute as a button, Susie Homemaker-Independent Woman who can still do it all. But alas, I can't. I'm only one person, and a lazy one outside of the office at that. (Sigh).

Thinking about stuff...

In the last few months I have developed a friendship that only can be described as odd and frustrating. He is very hot and cold with me. Yes, there seems to be a steady flirtation going, but at some point in all of my guy friend relationships (sans the ones of my girlfriends' SO's...) have always had a flirtation element to it. What worries me is that my ability to be a real friend gets stuck in this weird thought process that there might be something else there.

As soon as I convince myself that nothing is there anymore, it comes back with a vengeance. He will look at me, or say something that gives me hope. That hope can be a funny thing, because what I desperately want is somebody to pay attention to me an care. And he does. He seeks my approval on things, he checks in with me, he invites me to things. While I don't always give him the satisfaction of being interested or telling him how wonderful he is, he still comes around.

However, whenever I do show interest (at least more than I should) he backs away. I wish I understood this great mystery. However, I feel like I am stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Mentally, logically, I know I should just move past this. It is so hard when you see this person because you are obligated to. You want to move on and just get comfortable with being alone. Maybe re-group. But you can't seem to do that, because the second you convince yourself that you are on the road to recovery - look at what ends up happening. You end up taking 15 steps back and you are where you were in May. It doesn't make it any better for you.

I guess I feel this weird obligation to be further along in my life. Whether it be relationships, work, what I have. And yet, here I am thinking about a crush. I feel like I am stuck in some weird Molly Ringwald movie where she desperately hopes Jake Ryan will come and rescue her.

In my stupid little daydream, I envision coming home from work or leaving the office and he is there either sitting at the door of my apartment (which is ridiculous - this place is locked up like Fort Knox) or standing by my car when I leave the office, asking me to talk. (Which again, I have seen way too many romantic comedies, and suddenly, my daydreams are cliches.)

Its pretty ridiculous and then I come back to realizing how absolutely ridiculous I am and that maybe I should really start to involve myself in other things, as with my obsessive compulsive personality, that is usually the only way to get myself to move on. I distract myself from the thing I think I really want. That way, I realize that I didn't really want it in the first place.

Wedding Season Continues...

Wedding season is in full swing, I made a little trip over to Sacramento this afternoon to celebrate Erica and James' engagement. Yay - what a lovely area her sister lives in. It was so nice to visit with her family and friends at a low key event. Erica's friends are completely awesome, and immediately started to invite me to some of their get togethers. They were so sweet, and it made me feel comfortable since I knew absolutely no one except for the the bride and groom. It was very relaxed... Of course, I love low key, so I loved this... I would like to point out how much I love this pick of E&J. Its so them, it kills me. But, I must say, I did use some restraint by not using the picture of James with ribbon in his hair. Because, as Erica would say "We's gotsta keep it classy."

I also had an opportunity to have dinner with my sister and her boyfriend in the city this evening. Joanna, Chris, and I dined at the Luna Park in the Mission. It was super delicious, I highly recommend it. Anyways, it is always nice to see my sister without the hustle and craziness that goes with the usual Rullo events. (And of course, we got a chance to debrief the craziness from the Penn. wedding weekend).

Overall, and excellent cap to my weekend.

Back to work in the AM (sigh)...

PENN STATE!!!!!!!!

There are two things I love in this world, Pennsylvania and football. When they come together and have a positive football season (which does not happen that often, except for my beloved Steelers - one for the thumb) I get very excited about it. So here's to inching closer to a 12-0 record with Joe Pa at the helm. The man is 81 years young. Very impressive! Since I was just in/near Paternoville, I thought I would show Penn State some love. I am also hoping that the Steelers crush the Giants tomorrow. Even though I won't be able to tune in to witness it. Those Niners/Raiders screw everything up for me...

Got the invite...

I came down to my parents house this afternoon and my invite for Eva and Ben's wedding is here! I can't believe it is getting time for that. Plus Eva will be back here in less than two months. Yay!

PS - since I don't have a picture of Eva and Ben, I guess I have to go with a picture of Eva and me.

Scale trippin...

So today was my first day back at Weight Watchers in about a month. I have been traveling around, and been uber busy and haven't made my way over there. And I think what is the most astonishing, considering all of the cookies, cake, take-out, dining out that I have done in the last month, I have only gained 3 pounds. But you know what? Game on. I am back on the plan. Yay! I've already lost 20 lbs. Let's do this!

I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

It's the end of the week! Thank goodness... I must say that it has been one hell of a week and I have been forcing myself to relax. I haven't brought my work laptop home at all this week (and those of you who have been around me for the past few months know that this is a very large feat). Still I sit in this apartment full of laundry and papers from before the wedding, I think that I can never totally relax and even when I do relax there is a timer on it.

Take today for instance... I woke up late (grrr...) and raced to work. Stuck in 101 traffic (why when I love 5 miles from the office does it take me a half hour to get to work. I don't get it!), finally get to the office a half hour later than I had intended. I bust my butt with all of these various tasks for each one of our upcoming webcasts. Needless to say, I am exhausted. I get a text from Melissa for dinner this evening, which will be nice, since I need to think about something else other than work.

Within a half hour, my mom calls. As most of you know, I tend to have familial responsibilities that pop up at random times. Since my Dad was in Chicago on business, she needed somebody to follow Anneli around at her class scavenger hunt. Of course, does my little sister get that involved with this? Of course not. She was much more interested in running away anyway.

I guess what I am getting at is that I feel completely run down from pushing myself at work, pushing myself at home, pushing myself with my family, pushing myself with my friendships. On top of that, I have people (okay, really he who shall remain nameless) telling me that I need to start going out and being social. Which really means going out and drinking, which I do pretty well, but I guess the idea of taking on an actual relationship means pushing myself even harder, when what I really should be doing is focusing on me, and trying to get some flippin rest.

Of course, tomorrow is Saturday. Another big day of pushing myself to do things that I rather have somebody else do. I think I have finally realized why people have personal assistants...

Bristol's Choice

This aired on the Daily Show during the Republican National Convention. I feel like it is done is such a way that shows how ridiculous people can be, and how some times it takes a comedy show to point out their hypocrisy. Enjoy!

What a week...

Today, I am starting my blog. All of my friends are doing it, so I think... why not me too. Silly, as it may seem, I am responding to peer pressure of the online variety. Not that it is really peer pressure. Whatever. So, I am guessing those of you who actually read this, no me well enough to know when I ramble and when to scroll down. Haha!

Well, anyways, the past couple of weeks have been quite intense. I recently flew back to Pennsylvania for the wedding of my cousin, Allison. It was great to see the whole family again. We haven't been together since my grandfather's death and subsequent funeral in April. While it was happy, I couldn't help but think back to my grandfather... good old Papa Rullo. He was just a funny guy; not the most tactful chap you ever met, but he meant well and he loved his family. For those of you who don't know, there were close to 2,000 people who came to his viewing to give their condolences to my grandmother. A very moving experience... now some of those people were at Allie's wedding. While we all share in the joy of this special day, I can't help but be moved back to where I was six months ago, standing in my kitchen in my Burlingame apartment when my Dad called to give me the news. Sometimes, it doesn't seem real. When I saw my uncle walking my grandmother down the aisle alone it felt very real... and so it goes...

We had a great time, silliness was had by all. Anneli was loving it. She was on that dance floor the whole night! We literally had to drag her off when they were closing up shop. She danced and sang and had a great time. Sometimes when you look at children that are so carefree and happy you realize that at some point along the way you lost that. You became to obsessed at work or school or with some other force that is making you forget that you should be having a good time and to just live in the moment.

I was stoked when I got back from PA to find an email from Radka asking me if she could come up for the weekend. Truth be told, she was coming up regardless... and I sort of do that with her when I travel down south to her neck of the woods. We had an awesome time - dinner with Anne (I think the waitress didn't like me or thought I was raised in a barn, because they would not bring me silverware...no matter who many times I asked), watching a little football (Go Penn State! Radka was asleep the whole time!), off to the birthday booze cruise (honestly, I don't remember much about it :-)), and just the basic chill out the day after - and of course talking to Eva (we miss you sooooooo much!). A packed weekend, followed by a packed week at work. I am so blessed to have the friends and family that I do. I will stop being mushy now. But sometimes, you are going to catch me being sentimental...