Cupcake Days...

Quoteable

2011-03-22T13:10:00.001-07:00

“The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be - and when they’re not, we cry.” – Anonymous

Brave New World

2011-02-22T22:14:00.000-08:00

So, I am less than 5 days away from taking my first trip to Europe. I am not really sure how I feel about this, and can't help but think that if I had done some of this traveling earlier in my life, that I wouldn't feel so apprehensive about taking this trip. But alas, here I am 4+ days out and trying to pack and prevent myself from breaking out into hives (its happened twice this week).

Why am I scared? I don't know. Is it financial? Maybe, but I don't think that's entirely it. I think that it has a lot to do with pushing myself further (at least geographically) than I ever thought I could go. The only thing I can compare this to is to when I moved to Chicago. But even then, I had a fainting episode in Ghiradelli Square, so I am pretty sure that my coping abilities have not really improved over the past few years.

I am really trying to get myself to a place where I can actually enjoy the experience, if I even know how. I am traveling with some amazing friends, but I can't help but think that I shouldn't be doing this. Do I deserve to go? Should I really be working? Buying the computer, couch, chair that I really want instead of staying in hotels in Europe, eating foods that are beyond my points level, and mainly not being as responsible as I should be. Or is it that I don't cut myself enough slack in my life to relax and have a good time?

Whatever this feeling is, it doesn't really matter because I will soon be on that airplane heading to a place I've never been before.

Back to the Bay...

2011-02-14T14:17:00.001-08:00

After a long, relaxing weekend in Southern California (with my favorite SoCal resident) I am back in the Bay Area (Not the B.A., right, E?). I had a great time checking out parts of LA, that I've never seen before... I rode the Metro (surprisingly clean... perhaps my standards are low due to the El and Bart), had some muy delicioso taquitos on Olvera Street (and bought Anneli a pretty awesome pink guitar), and then checked out the Our Lady of Angels cathedral and gift shop. I love that going to these places sometimes allows me to reconnect with my faith, which is tied so directly to some of my familial memories, that to me I feel connected with the little girl in church all those years ago. I picked up a goodie for my grandmother. But she won't get this little present until I see her in July :)

All in all, it was fun. It's a lot of driving in a weekend, but I am always so excited to see old friends and just relax. Which we did. Walked around downtown LA, saw a movie being filmed, and all of the prop cars (which was pretty cool), and just had a chance to chat and reconnect without all the craziness. Now, if I can keep this relaxation up before Europe. That will be the ultimate test.

Giants Tickets Fail...

2011-02-03T10:36:00.000-08:00

I am a huge baseball fan. And today was the day that pre-sale tickets went on sale. I could get some tickets for other games during the season, but the only ticket I will allow myself purchase is the opening day ticket, and it looks like those are going on sale during my meeting with H&R Block. Lovely. Oh well, I rather have my taxes done before I go to Europe, maybe I can buy them on my iPhone while I get my taxes done. Such is my life...

Battle @ the scale...

2011-02-02T16:03:00.000-08:00

So, I guess I will always have a battle with the scale. My weight issues are never really ever going to go anywhere. As my naturally slender mother puts it, "You will always have this battle, Stephanie, you just need to know how to live with it." (Sigh) Such is my life.

Last week, my newest issue of Shape Magazine came in the mail. I read it cover to cover. Typically, this does not happen, because I get bored halfway through (or hungry). I was really inspired by this idea of eating smaller meals every three hours. And so, began the newest twist in my weight loss journey.

Also in this issue, the idea of having hot water in the AM with lemon to help get rid of the toxins. I'm not sure it does that, but it does get me started in a way that coffee never could. Mind over matter, you ask? Perhaps. But nevertheless, I am improving.

This plan has worked so far. Since starting this program on Tuesday of last week, I lost 4.8 lbs. Not too bad considering I didn't work out or do anything other than focusing on my eating, which I will most likely continue to do for a while. I might even keep myself trained before my European vacation. But that Europe trip is a discussion for another time.

Here's to hoping I can keep this up!

Friday!

2011-01-21T12:21:00.000-08:00

Another week comes to a close here at Sterling Commerce/IBM. I have had a long week, not filled with anything all that exciting. I am dreaming of my weekend, filled with rest, football, a clean apartment, and FOOTBALL. But of course, I am at work, just finishing my low calorie lunch and thinking to myself that I miss eating yummy things and being surrounded by people at work... enough people to actually go out to lunch with on a Friday.

But, I am very excited to have the football playoffs to focus on. Even more impressive, or perhaps, something to keep my attention is that the Steelers are playing. So I will definitely be focused on that this weekend.

The good news is Europe is basically booked. Now the waiting begins, and making sure I have everything I could possibly need for a week and a half on a continent I've never been too, and seem to have a nervous stomach about traveling too...

Work, Drinks, and Baseball...

2010-06-10T15:12:00.000-07:00

It's been a long week. Three webcasts this week. Two live, one with an analyst, and all three hosted by yours truly. I deserve a drink, a spiffy drink too. I'm in a dress, which makes me even more awesome, right?

Well, Melissa and I are going to go for a drink and dinner this evening for some much needed friend time. I'm not sure what I have really been up to other than working and alcohol. Perhaps that is a sign? Paging AA...

Seriously though, baseball is taking over my life. Not even necessarily the Giants, however they are a very large part of it. But all baseball. A's, Giants, Anneli's Red Sox team. I love it all.

As for everything else, I am getting out of this joint early today, and I could not be happier about it.

Today's favorite quote was from Jon Miller (Hall of Fame Announcer for my San Francisco Giants)...
"I'm not that kind of person... but DON'T cross me."

Blue Cheese Chicken Burgers

2010-02-24T20:38:00.000-08:00

Since I didn't have class or straight-up studying to do tonight, I opted to cook myself dinner. Since I am trying to be really good about what I am eating, I consulted my food bible, the Weight Watchers app. I have to say, I was pretty proud of these six point burgers, that are meant to emulate chicken wings. I did burn them a bit using my brand new grill pan, but they were still moist and delicious, and had a Cajun flair to them.

Totally unrelated, I found Manischewitz Mandelins (aka soup nuts) at the store today. They are quite yummy and low in points. Yay for me! Also picked up a copy of Shape magazine to give myself some added motivation.

With doing all of this, I am down 4.8 since January 23rd. Woot!

Feeling Accomplished

2010-02-24T17:15:00.000-08:00

I had had it with work mentally today, so instead, I decided to organize my desk. I am pretty please with the results. I guess overtime + midterms = Stephanie needs to clean.

Anyways, here is the finished product, and now you know where I spend 40 hours every week.

It's been a long while...

2010-02-15T11:51:00.000-08:00

So, I just had an epiphany that I should really start using my blog again. My laptop went down on me in December, and I guess work has take the priority. Work, work, work. Who would have ever thought I would become a workaholic. But alas, that is what I am.

I've also been looking at advancing in my career. How best to do that you might ask? Well, the answer seems to be pointing me towards Business School. Right now, I am seeing if I have the stomach for it. Take an Intro to Business class at the College of San Mateo, a local JC that seems to fit my needs for the moment. Side note: It is amazing to me how some things never change. I have been out of college 5 years, and I thought students would be on their laptops in class, professors would email you their lectures if done on a PowerPoint. But no, write furiously, and don't listen to what I have to say. Just write, write, write. Seems counterproductive to me, but what do I know. I only have my BA, and am apparently, a glutton for punishment. Thank goodness I am on the semester system, I don't think I could handle quarters at the moment.

In another avenue to keep myself busy, I have started attending Toastmasters with Erica to try and up my public speaking game. Occassionally, I have been known to stutter, and not be able to completely construct what I want to say in a way that makes sense to the listener. So alas, I am going to better myself by doing this.

Trying not to overprogram myself, but I feel like I need to do some things so I don't become a complete hermit. Maybe a workout class a couple of days a week is next. We shall see.

I'm also trying to be serious about weight loss. I want to be at my goal by my 30th birthday. Which still seems far off, but clearly is not. I will have to get it in gear. I've been doing this since the beginning of this month, and have already lost 4, and am feeling rather productive about it.

As for everything else, I am taking it a step at a time, and hopefully this blog will kind of help me a little bit on my journey, so I am not internalizing it all the time.

I guess I won't be flying into Johnstown...

2009-09-17T09:40:00.000-07:00

So, I officially booked my trip for my annual grandmother vacation October 15-20th. Yay! I enjoy the time to relax and not worry about much else other than spending some quality time with family.

I thought I might fly into Johnstown until I saw this article in the Post. The WASHINGTON POST.

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/capitol-briefing/2009/09/demint_calls_for_an_end_to_mur.html

My mom's quote was quite classic and of a quality caliber...

"Good to know that Johnstown is ready for attack. You know that if any disaster happens that Cambria and Somerset are ground zero. History tells you that."

Where the heck have I been?

2009-07-11T17:24:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess it has been a while since I blogged about anything of substance. I am finally in my new apartment, but it won't be properly furnished in the way that I want it for a while yet. But I suppose that is okay. I have also been promoted at work, but that was at the beginning of May, and I don't think that is a newsflash to anybody. And, most importantly, I can confidently say that the stupid non-person I had been blogging about is no longer a factor. Ahhh... freedom.

As for everything else... I was in LA last weekend visiting Rachel and hitting up the Death Cab for Cutie concert. Not a group I would normally see... but heck, I enjoy live music, so when the opportunity came up, I jumped on it.

But as for everything else, I think I am back in the swing of things at work, and more importantly, I am able to get done everything I need to without totally being overwhelmed on the homefront.

So all is going well for now, I think once I get this apartment completely under control, I will feel a lot better :-)

I met J.T. Snow!

2009-06-18T23:48:00.000-07:00

He had a signing in downtown Palo Alto tonight and here is a picture of us together. Awwwwww!

And of course, here is a picture of Hannah and I for good measure.

Home Again, Home Again...

2009-06-02T20:36:00.000-07:00

Back from Pennsylvania. Had a lot of fun catching up with family and what not. However, I am completely exhausted and I have to go to work in the morning. Boo. I am going to attempt to get myself through work tomorrow and then it is back to packing. I have a little over a week to pack for the new apartment. Eeek!

So, as my last blog post suggested, my cousin, Dan, got married over the weekend. I am officially the "next in line" to get married. Dan chided me on this several times this weekend (I am younger than him by 3 weeks). I said, well, you are going to have to wait a very long while for that to happen, since I can barely seem to hold onto interest with a guy, let alone marry one.

I was also able to spend time with the Rullo posse. A little time up at Lake Stoneycreek (it was freezing!) and hitting some of the usual haunts around J-town are always entertaining. Of course, a lot of it is just taking Anneli's picture at any given opportunity.

It is time's like these that reminds me how important my family is and really how much I love them. We tend to get so busy with our day-to-day lives that we forget about what is important. You always think that you will get to it, and then you never do, and six years have gone by. I haven't seen some of my family in that long and that was brought to my attention this weekend. So, I am going to make a bigger effort to be a more aware family member, and not always pretend that just because I live out here in California, that I am not part of something bigger than my parents and siblings.

On the grandfather update... Papa Molloy is at his home still... so that is a very good thing. Mom says he looks gaunt and doesn't recognize anyone. An interesting tidbit, the only way the staff at the facility can get him to eat is if the window is on his right. This is the position that he would always sit in the kitchen at the house. So maybe that has something to do with it. I was unable to see it for myself, even though I want to. When the family is all together, especially with Anneli involved, it makes this all much, much more difficult. I just hope for the sake of my grandmother, aunts, and mother that at some point we will be able to find peace with the fact that this was the way it was suppose to happen. But to look at him, and see the man who he used to be, and expect him to be that way is beyond painful.

Wedding Messages...

2009-05-25T19:00:00.000-07:00

So next Saturday, my cousin Dan, is getting married back in Johnstown. Of course, the California Crew is packing up and heading east for a long weekend. I just spent the better part of an hour online trying to decide on a wedding gift from the registry. It is amazing to me how long it takes me to decide on a gift. Once I finally decided on a gift (a wine rack, for a nice California flair) I had the horrendous task of the gift message.

So I got this far... Congratulations Dan and Heather! (Brain Freeze) Why does my brain come to an absolute halt at what I am going to say next. I am a COMMUNICATIONS SPECIALIST for crying out loud, but when it comes to writing a note to accompany a wedding gift, I can't string five words together to come up with a coherent sentence.

So what do I do in these situations? I turn to google. What does Google suggest? Poems. I like poetry as much as the next person, but it seems cliche. Metaphors galore. Two ships sailing in the night... (Scratch that) Love is... (Gag) I even thought about citing Frost, but in the end, I decided to not be completely lame. I also know Dan to well to not even try for something with a 9 on the cheesy scale.

So in the end, I decided on...

"Congratulations Dan and Heather! I look forward to celebrating with you at your wedding!"

Pretty generic, but in the end I don't know what you are suppose to say on these cards... and all of the social graces that go with it.

This coming weekend should be quite interesting. Both sides of the family...

Moving on up...

2009-05-20T20:41:00.001-07:00

Don't worry, its just down the street. But a lot to do in the next few weeks, and I don't really have my weekends. Gah!

Another week...

2009-05-02T21:26:00.000-07:00

So this week has been pretty stressful. A whole lot of stress that I was not totally prepared. Not that you are ever really prepared for your stress, but I do realize that I am apt to overreact. My heart races, I can't stop replaying things in my head no matter how many times people (namely Erica) tell me that I am being ridiculous. In this economy, I am so terrified of losing my job that I can't ever really think about doing something else.

But that is what is going on in the world, and I am an adult in this world, and will have to deal with what happens like an adult, right? Of course, adults suck it up and deal a little bit more than I do... maybe that needs to be added to my list of things I need to work on.

But I am working on bettering myself, and my new job starts a week from Friday. Woo-hoo!

In other news, I am down 10.2 and am feeling more svelte than I have in quite a while. So this has to mean that things are coming together for me, right?

Dude...

2009-04-29T22:43:00.000-07:00

I realize the coverage of the swine flu is getting out of control (I'm reaching for my Purell bottle more than I care to mention). But come on people, the odds of you getting it are not that great. Just wash your hands, drink some water, and you should be fine. But then we have these idiots who are in a beach in Mexico wearing masks. Seriously? If you are that worried about the swine flu, then here's an idea. Leave Mexico. Get on a plane, and get the hell out of town. Some people are so ignorant and so lame. Or famewhores.

Happy Passover/Easter!

2009-04-12T21:59:00.000-07:00

On Friday, I got back from a whirlwind trip to Seattle. It was really fun, and I always enjoy my failed attempts to speak Hebrew and drink plenty of wine. In fact, Dick actually called me out on it when explaining that in the meal, you are actually supposed to drink four glasses on wine. Being called out as a drunk for the greater Seattle area. I guess I can't go back there again... LOL!

Back to reality, I spent the day yesterday shopping with Erica and going to my weigh-in. Passover caused a setback of 2.5 lbs, but I have still lost over 6 lbs. in four weeks, which is still pretty awesome if you ask me.

As for Easter, another Rullo family holiday has come to pass. My brother is out in Nebraska, so of course, he missed out on the festivities. But, plenty of food, the Masters golf tourney, and the Sound of Music (which Anneli cannot get enough of). I did take a much needed nap in the middle of the day, which explains why my sleepiness is not quite what it was earlier.

I also wanted to share a quick Daily Show video on Passover. Oh, how the Passover jokes make me laugh!

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

M - Th 11p / 10c

Easter & Passover Highlights

thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Economic Crisis

Political Humor

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

M - Th 11p / 10c

Faith the Nation

thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Economic Crisis

Political Humor

Coming up for air...

2009-03-31T21:58:00.000-07:00

I guess I updated the blog on Friday, but that seems like a lifetime ago. Work is work. Boring. But I have some decent news to report - I have lost an additional 4 lbs since I re-dedicated myself to WW. Yay! That brings me to a total of 8. I am sure this week is not going to go as smoothly as planned since it is my birthday week. Then next week is Passover... I tend to eat a fair amount when in Seattle anyways. I am sure a Bing's stop will be on the agenda.

Dramz on the homefront. My grandfather has been in a dementia unit for a little while. What we have discovered is they have been overmedicating him. Now, to be fair, as his mental issues have progressed, he has become much meaner. It makes me think that my grandfather would be a mean drunk. It's not that I feel like we can't be around him in his new mental state, it is just that he is not a pleasant guy to be around. I am not letting that be an excuse for what is going on.

Essentially, what happened is this. My grandfather was so medicated that he got out of bed and tried to walk and took a fall. He needed to be hospitalized and rehabbed. Now, the really sad thing is the hospital discharged him yesterday, but there aren't any rehab places that will take him due to his dementia.

Seriously! I am mad that he was overmedicated in the first place. It reminds me of all of those movies you see about psych wards when these patients are medicated just to keep the quiet. That makes me very upset with the way things are going in the medical community. That and my grandfather won't be rehabbed because of all of this.

Not to be a downer, but that seems to be what is going on.

Tonight, Erica and I Zumba-ed. I kinda dig it, even though I am extremely uncoordinated. Okay, its 10:00. I need to get a shower. I'm outz....

No Cavities!

2009-03-27T19:26:00.000-07:00

Had an appointment at the dentist this morning. No cavities which is great news. My history of being a stressed out person has caused my teeth to have tiny fractures. Awesome.

For Radka...

2009-03-23T18:50:00.000-07:00

I have no comments for this gem...

Down 4.0!

2009-03-21T18:05:00.000-07:00

Okay, today was weigh-in Saturday! YAY! I am down 4 lbs. Only... um, a lot more to go. But I will take today as a victory. What is my reward? Laundry... or at least that is what I am doing at the moment. I know you are all jealous.

Is that Kanye?

2009-03-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

Phew! What a day... spent a little time doing retail therapy at Target... and found these awesome glasses. I didn't buy them, but man do I look awesome. Um, and nobody should drive wearing these.

Trying to be healthy...

2009-03-14T22:32:00.000-07:00

So, this week I have turned over a new leaf. I am trying to be healthier. So I went to my WW meeting this morning, and decided to get the weight game back in check. I have gained 6 lbs. since I was last at the a meeting which was before Christmas. I am not sure if this is bad or good.

I spent the whole day really watching what I put in my mouth. Had Miso Soup for lunch, drank my water. Went to dinner with my siblings, and had something I didn't think would be bad. However, on the drive home (luckily, I was not driving) my stomach had revenge on me. What is up with that? I mean, you know its bad if you only are 5 miles from the restaurant to your apartment and you are questioning whether you will make it home in time.

It was a gross feeling. I am finally starting to realize the truth behind some of Sharon's experiences when she first got to Africa. TMI, I know. Needless to say, Pasta Pomodoro is not my friend... blech.

Sweatin' it out...

2009-03-11T21:48:00.000-07:00

Not to turn this into the workout blog tonight, but I just had the greatest workout. That sounds ridiculous, knowing me. But, I got in today and started out with my usual elliptical and then I decided to do the stairmaster and it kicked my ass. Like being the gross person at the gym, sweating through my shirt kind of deal. You all know what I am talking about. It felt so awesome, and I am glad that I did it.

I also bought my tickets for my next wedding. Pittsburgh in May. I don't have that much to lose to fit into the dress and if I have more workouts like this it shouldn't be a problem.

Okay, I need to go to bed because I have to be at work early in the morning. Yay for positivity...

Working (Out) for the Weekend...

2009-03-10T23:35:00.000-07:00

It's been a couple days since I have last blogged. Not too much to report. Work is busy, as usual, but more importantly, I have been going out to the gym and actually moving for an hour. Yay! I am very proud of myself for this. I tend to get moody (this blog is some pretty good account of that) when I don't. So yay me.

I am also trying to get myself into a routine. Maybe it is Daylight Savings... who knows...

Seattle!

2009-03-07T13:25:00.000-08:00

I did it! I bought my tickets to Seattle. I will be out of town April 8-10! Yay! I am excited to hang out with my other family... I haven't been to Seattle in two years...

Hugs...

2009-03-06T22:12:00.000-08:00

So the boy that I am trying to get over (even though he makes it very difficult to do so) hugged me today as we were waiting for the elevator. I mean, it was just an odd thing. I wonder if he knew that feelings actually existed on my side. We are friends, so a hug is not something completely off-base. But to hug for random things, to hug at work seems a little odd to me and it definitely messes with my emotions.

Stephanie Needs...

2009-03-05T21:08:00.000-08:00

So, I decided to be a little silly today and do the "Stephanie needs..." on Google and this is what I came up with.

(1) Stephanie needs some help. (Obviously)
(2) Stephanie needs to be with a family where there are no children or animals. (Um...too late on that one)
(3) Stephanie needs behavior modification to deal with... (I am too afraid to click on the link and see what it comes up with)
(4) Stephanie needs Rhinoplasty surgery. (Wow, what are you trying to say?)
(5) Stephanie needs to get the women together in an alliance. (Um... okay, having a Dwight/Jim flashback)
(6) Stephanie needs to get a life. (Um...BURN!)
(7) Stephanie needs a family who can help her strive to participate in structured recreational and social activities, which are designed to ... (Uh, okay...)
(8) Stephanie needs a date for Valentine's Day (a little late on that one)
(9) Stephanie needs to get off her high horse! (Um, I like being a pretentious snob... duh)
(10) Stephanie needs someone to take new photos of her. (This one is way creepy)

Okay, this was an exercise in futility, but I am sitting here watching Desperate Housewives...

Oh Snap!

2009-03-04T21:16:00.000-08:00

T.O. is leaving the Cowboys... SAY WHAT!

Okay, I am not totally shocked, but I am wondering where he is going to go next. Money on the Raiders.

As for everything else, things are definitely looking up - sorry, T.O.

Smoke Clearing...

2009-03-03T21:16:00.000-08:00

So the dust is starting to settle at work from the big day of layoffs yesterday. I have been fired before, but have never experienced it happening to somebody else. Its very odd.However, I am coming to terms with thing in the state of this economy. I have decided to make some changes personally to make sure I do not end up being a victim.

Obviously, if layoffs happen for me they happen. There is no way I can get away from that. However, I think that if I can continue to save my money over the next few months, that I will be able to come out of all of this smelling like a rose. That means, eating the food that is already in my cupboards, entertaining myself mainly on the books and television I already have. I might even cancel Netflix (gasp). Honestly, I never use it anyways, so maybe it makes more sense for the time being, or at least cut it down to one at a time. I like how this is going for me. In fact, today I made a big leap and got rid of my nails. Yes, my nails. I have had them for a year and it is time to take a break. I will still get mani and pedis, but they don't have to be on the basis of the nails. Cutting out luxury, unfortunately.

Okay, so that is the new plan. I am not completely focused on the boy issues or lack thereof now, so I think I need to be mindful of what might happen and I want to be sure that I have all of my ducks in a row. The more money I can bank at the moment, the better.

I don't want to force myself to eat just pasta and butter, but it may come to that. Or I am being a tad bit dramatic. But I am definitely wanting to pre-empt this before it becomes a bigger issue.

Rough Day at the Office...

2009-03-02T21:03:00.000-08:00

What a day! Unfortunately, there were a massive amount of layoffs at Sterling today. The workforce at our office was cut in half. I am okay, but hopefully at some point it will turn around before the pink slip rears its ugly head at me.

Baseball!

2009-03-01T13:58:00.001-08:00

Spring Training is up and running...and the Giants are looking to make a play for... Manny Ramirez? Well, this does seem like classic Giants. Hey, there is a player that is aging...Let's pretend like he is the player he once was, and sign him for a boatload of cash.

Now I'm not saying that Manny wasn't an key part of the Dodgers making it to the playoffs last year. But I don't really understand why the Giants don't openly come out and say... we are trying to start over again. We are going to stick with our key guys still under contract, and we are going to really focus on our young guys/farm system this year. Would that be too much to ask? Instead of spending that money (or more of it) on signing Randy Johnson or Manny Ramirez. Anyways, the Merc had a story on this, check it out.

What's the deal with Giants and Manny?

**JT is named is the article... my inner teenage girl is sighing...**

Marianne's Coming to Burlingame?

2009-02-28T21:03:00.000-08:00

I saw this sign on my way to work this week. Could the best ice cream place in the bay area be expanding? Gosh, I hope so. But my waistline hopes not... Here is the photo evidence. Decide for yourself...

Ash Wednesday

2009-02-25T20:49:00.000-08:00

I love holy days of obligation. I spend the whole day at work trying to remind myself that I am not hungry, and this is all part of the process. But you know what, Jesus didn't have to deal with Girl Scout Cookies being delivered yesterday and today.

But I went to mass tonight, but apparently my hunger is causing me to look stressed out. Yay - that makes me feel better. I need a cookie...

In all seriousness, the hunger is only a minor setback. What I really want is to try and have some peace this Lenten season. Some people give things up, but what I am trying to do is put my life in perspective and meditate. I hope this goes along with my new life that I am starting, but of course I seem to be running into some resistance.

Not Totally Off Base...

2009-02-22T10:17:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, the tension I have worried about is palpable as I feared. I do know that my family will work through this, like it always does. I just get annoyed when people ignore things for so long and when they come to a head, nobody can really think as rationally as they should.

Feeling better...

2009-02-20T19:28:00.000-08:00

It looks like everything is on the mend on the family front. I am going to go home and see how it is in reality...

Feeling dramatic...

2009-02-19T22:01:00.001-08:00

Okay, that is me 90% of the time. When I am not working or watching TV I am being dramatic.

I love my family... but last Friday, my Mom IMed me at work asking me not to come home last weekend. Which I did. I stayed home and spent Valentine's Day alone in the lonely confines of my efficiency apartment.

Fast forward one week. I have not heard from my Mom - a person I talk to every couple of days. She has not only been ignoring me, but my sister as well.

My friends (most of them children of divorce) have said that it is my Mom trying to be independent and is just going through a "phase". I guess I am not used to this idea of being cast aside. She may not view it as such, but when she is short with us and doesn't return our phone calls it feels like an absolute slap in the face. Do I drop what I am doing when you need me? Yes. Do I make an extra effort so you don't need to search for a babysitter? Yes.

Feeling this way has made me feel selfish and incredibly alone. Getting the cold shoulder from my Mom is more painful to me than a lot of things in this world I have been displacing my anger towards other people. I feel childish and ridiculous when I act this way, freezing people out, but it is what I know. It is how I cope.

Spending too much time on You Tube...

2009-02-15T12:16:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

2009-02-14T20:23:00.000-08:00

Okay, I admit it. Today has been the roughest Valentine's Day on record. Or at least the one that is hurting me the most. Maybe its the current state of affairs of my life in the personal life department or the idea that I have been shut out by my own family on this weekend that makes me feel alienated from the other parts of my life.
I spent the morning bumming around with Erica, and then I have been on my couch the rest of the day working my way through my DVR. So fun.

Around 5 or so, I ran to Safeway to get some dinner and various other items I needed. The sheer amount of couples walking around and holding hands at Safeway was crazy. I just wanted to get the hell out of there and back to the solitary confinement of my apartment.

So, I will spend the rest of this Saturday night doing the following: dishes, laundry, and watching my favorite psychic detectives, Shawn and Gus. Oh, Psych... how I do love you. You save me from watching the USA romance comedy marathon...

I Can't Get This Song Out of My Head...

2009-02-10T23:25:00.000-08:00

White Horse sung by Taylor Swift
(I know, I know)

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
'Cause
I honestly believed in you
Holding on,
The days drag on
Stupid girl
I should have known, I should have known

That I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

Baby I was naïve,
Got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance.
I had so many dreams about you and me.
Happy endings;
Now I know

I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness,
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted,
But I'm so sorry

Cause Im not your princess
This aint a fairytale
Im gonna find someone, Some day
Who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world,
That was a small town
There in my rearview mirror,
Disappearing now.
And it's too late for you and your White Horse
Now its too late for you and your White Horse
To catch me now.

Oh whoa whoa whoa-oh
Try and catch me now
Whoa-Oh
It's too late
To catch me now.

Grandpa Update...

2009-02-08T23:19:00.000-08:00

Bad news on the grandpa front. My living grandfather Molloy has had Alzheimer's for about 10 years. He has been getting progressively worse, and as far as we can tell he has had some aggressive tendencies towards my grandmother.

He has also been having issues with soiling himself and more or less, "marking his territory" in the house. He also refuses to bathe, only will do so when a man tells him to do so. He will listen to my Dad when he tells him to do this, but when a woman tells him this, you can forget about him getting it done, because its not going to happen.

We have tried multiple times to put him into a facility. My grandmother fights this with every fiber of her being. I think she may view this as a reflection on her ability to take care of him, but honestly, who can take care of a grown man who is stronger than her and has no common sense, no mental understanding or right or wrong. The only thing that he really has is his brute strength. We have tried to convince her, but maybe she might be at the point where she is willing to surrender to the idea of getting him into a facility (I am definitely keeping my fingers crossed on this one).

My great uncle Chuck, who was 78 years old, 2 years younger than my grandfather, also had Alzheimer's. His Alzheimer's had not progressed to the extent of my grandfather's, but he was definitely on the road to being on the same mental plane as my grandfather. On Friday, Uncle Chuck had a stroke and passed away. I can't help but wish that is was my grandfather. Does that make me a bad person? My grandfather is not there, his body is, but the brilliant educator that my grandfather was, left us long ago. I feel awful saying it, but I want my grandmother to have her life back, and I honestly think that if she was freed from this metaphorical prison, it would not only drastically improve her quality of life, but it would allow her to do whatever she wants to do.

Tonight, Papa and Grandma had a face-off on him getting a bath. There was a 3-4 hour standoff, and the only thing that got him to clean himself, was my Aunt Kath promising him an ice cream outing. Its so sad that this is what my grandfather's life has come to.

Day 3...

2009-02-05T23:29:00.001-08:00

Okay, its Day 3 and I didn't get to work out. I am irritated with myself about this already. Try again tomorrow, huh?

Starting Over...

2009-02-04T19:19:00.000-08:00

After being Debbie Downer in yesterday's blog - I have decided to change the way I have been looking at things.

So, I have made a list of things I need to do:

(1) Workout - no problem, I am doing that now.

(2) De-clutter my life (Erica helped me clean up my closet this weekend, so I am on the road to recovery)

(3) Kick ass and take names.

So, I am working on doing this and to become more adult. Whatever the hell that means. I started this new kick off by buying myself a new HD television and I have 5 bags of clutter to drop off to Goodwill.

Here's to me - I am moving on and feeling fabulous...

It's time to move on...

2009-02-03T22:19:00.000-08:00

So when I update my Facebook status with the statement that is time to move on, it must really be time to move on, right?

Oddly enough, in my own quiet way (if I don't include the fact that I vocalized this to LD) I am coming to terms with the way things are with the boy.

They are never going to be the way I want them, and all I become is disappointed. I am becoming increasingly disappointed with him by the day, hour, minute, second...

I find myself trying to avoid him, and seeking him out all at the same time. It is a messed up thing to do. It's not fair to me, my work, and the friendship I pretend to have with him.

One of my co-workers made the point to me yesterday: "He's only interested in himself. No matter whether you are his girlfriend or his friend he will only give you the time of day when it is convenient for him - and that is not what you want."

And while that is true, I have been holding onto this glimmer of hope that the stars might align and I will be able to... honestly, I don't even know what. But I thought this would be my chance. We were connecting and maybe for once I could get past all of the silly thoughts that dance around in my head. Maybe it would be something real. Maybe he could be somebody to bring a smile to my face and know what is important to me. To see me for who I really am. And I think he does see that to a certain extent. I just think that by putting myself in these strange situations, I am just setting myself up for failure.

As I said to LD tonight... he is always going to disappoint me. The sooner I realize that, the better off I will be.

Steelers Win 6!

2009-02-02T23:01:00.001-08:00

You know what bothers me...

2009-01-27T23:12:00.000-08:00

Okay, another thing I have to get off my chest...
So, today, the office jackass (think Dwight only way more annoying, and wearing high waters...actually, I think Dwight might do that). Anyways.... the office jackass (nicknamed POD for Prince of Darkness or SOS for Son of Satan depending on who you ask) was talking to me about something ridiculous. I honestly can't remember how it came up. But he was getting on my case about how I have nothing to worry about because I don't have any responsibilities.

I said that I have PLENTY of responsibilities, my job, family... he tells me to hold up, my sister is 9 and can take care of herself. Okay, here is the thing. I DO NOT PLAY THE DOWNS CARD UNLESS I HAVE TO. I like to think of my sister as a normal member of society, but occasionally it becomes clear that she is at a different pace. Of course, I think she's brilliant, adorable, and any other adjective that connotes awesomenicity.

I explained to him that it is different, becuase she has Downs, and its just part of my life. I said "it" is here to stay. Meaning the Downs, and we are all aware of it.

He says to me "I don't ever want to hear you call "it" again.

Here is the thing. How DARE he tell me that! I was never referring to it as my sister. I am the one who has to deal with it day after day. Just because you watched Life Goes On a couple of times in the 80's that gives you the right to tell me what I can and can't say about a genetic disorder that affects my family on a daily basis. The sheer audacity of this asshole, to tell me how to feel and how I a person that knows about all of this from the daily struggle of coming to terms with everything and being the one that my parents depend on most, telling me what I can and cannot say about a syndrome that has changed our lives.

Now, I want to be clear. I wouldn't want AK any different. Okay, it might be awesome if she didn't have the pathological need to knock things off the couch arm into the basket (those of you who have been to my parents house over the years know what I mean). I love my sister very much, and it really hurts me when people who pretend to be righteous tell me how I should feel. It hurts that I know things aren't going to be easy and haven't been. I think about what she is going have to deal with in junior high and high school. I think about what it was like for me as the new kid. Being a little bit heavier... how traumatizing that was, and how it will pale in comparison to what will happen with her. And that, honestly, is what kills me.

When I hear him tell me that I can't say those words or express my feelings towards this syndrome - it makes me so angry. I wanted to hit him right there and scream at the top of my lungs: "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT SAY ABOUT SOMETHING THAT AFFECTS ME AND MY FAMILY ON A DAILY BASIS. JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A LITTLE ANECDOTE ABOUT A FRIEND OF A FRIEND WHO HAD A BROTHER WITH DOWN SYNDROME DOES NOT MAKE YOUR AN EXPERT. STOP CORRECTING ME ON WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT SAY. This is real, this is not an after school special.

This is a very emotional topic for me, and when people pretend to know what I went through, and continue to go through, and try to give me life advice about it when they clearly do not know... it makes me so incredibly angry.

I don't try to hide that this is a struggle my family has. If somebody asks me questions, I am more than happy to talk about it. But to come down on me, in a way, when I am trying to describe how difficult it is, is very disrespectful to me, my parents, siblings, and the entire special needs community.

I know I shouldn't be so sensitive about this, put when somebody attacks you on what you carry with you in your heart, there is this primal need to fight back. I understand what they say when mothers will lash out to protect their young. While on a biological level, AK is not my child... I feel that she is, and I feel that my parents, brother, sister and I are raising her.

I wish that people wouldn't feel this need to come up with something clever to say when the DS issue or special needs issues in general are brought up. If you don't know what you are talking about ask questions - we invite them; but please don't correct us if we accidentally choose the wrong words when we are talking about a subject that has rocked us to our very core.

Open Letter to Gold's Gym

2009-01-26T19:47:00.000-08:00

Dear Golds Gym,

You think I don't see those emails that you send me. How you just ever so delicately suggest that I should go to the gym. By clogging up my inbox with messages about new offers for personal training and deals to add on to the gym membership that I don't really use.

I am proud of the work I have done to lose my weight and get healthy, but your constant reminders of how there are not enough hours in the day does not seem to help - it only stresses me out more!

Please stop telling me that the reason I am getting these emails is because of my "relationship" with Gold's Gym. Relationship? Okay, if that is a relationship, then I have something to tell you. It's not you, its me. I think we should see other people. I am cheating on your with my apartment, laptop, refrigerator, of whatever other thing needs my attention at the moment. By the way... can you really have a "relationship" with a place or a thing? I guess maybe you can. I don't really understand it.

Oh, Gold's Gym... playing on my Catholic guilt and knowing that every time I drive by I feel bad that I am not there, but then realize how much I don't like the pulsating tunes of dance music, hence why I stay away from clubs and discotheques.

I see your guilt, and I raise you a turn of my head and the flip of my hair. See how that cold sholder feels Golds Gym. I will show up when I am good and ready.

In the meantime, you have my gym dues to sustain you.

Sincerely,
Stephanie

Steeler Countdown... 7 Days...

2009-01-25T18:11:00.001-08:00

Since the Steelers are playing in the Super Bowl in less than a week, I am getting very excited and will probably be posting some of my favorite articles.

James Harrison has such a great story. Many people know that he is the defensive player of the year... MVP... whatever. Many people don't know that he went undrafted out of the football juggernaut that is Kent State. Really, all that school is known for is the shootings that occurred in the 70's. Well, that and Drew Carey went there. Man, Drew Carey keeps coming up in conversation. LOL!

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/playoffs2008/news/story?id=3855349

So Jealous...

2009-01-25T15:10:00.000-08:00

So, this morning I woke up early and took my folks, Anneli, my grandmother, and my aunt to the airport. They are off to Hawaii. It would be so nice to unplug and do a little tropical vacationing... but I guess I am in California, which is not all bad.

I am feeling pretty relaxed this Sunday afternoon. Besides my back killing me (thank you massage chair at InStyle) I am sitting here doing laundry and watching To Kill a Mockingbird. It is one of my favorite books - when I saw this as one of the on demand options, I jumped at it.

Melissa and I went to brunch this morning - we area always seeking out new breakfast places - if anyone has suggestions, please sound off. We drove up to Redwood City and ended up at the Courthouse Cafe, by the... shocker... courthouse. It was pretty good. Service was ridiculous. The waiter didn't greet us, but brought us our food "wicked" fast. I am not sure if I will go there again, but oh well.

That's it from here... nothing terribly new...

Is it me????

2009-01-22T22:25:00.000-08:00

So, I am sitting here unwinding from today and watching The Colbert Report from Monday (with all of this Inauguration stuff, I have been so behind on my DVR watching). Anyways, I thought I would blog about more of the same stuff that has been going on, but that I have found particularly odd today.

So, work has been busy - especially since I took Friday and Monday off for the wedding festivities. So, I have been pretty heads down at work for the past three days. Neverhtheless... it has been brought to my attention that I am, yet again, getting male attention at work, but not from the places I want it from (well, in all honesty, I am getting it from there too, just not in the way I want it).

Given, I have tried to step up my classy game (in order to keep up with Ms. E) but also, because I want to look cute for a variety of reasons. Whether they be boy-related or not. After all, I am working and am trying to advance in my career. Of course, I would be down if they wanted to pay me to look cute as well.

But alas, I am getting super dork/geek/nerd boy attention. Now, I am going to say this. There is a difference between being a silly dork/geek/nerd. I tend to be that way often. Especially when it comes to things I like to geek out on. The Office, Apple Products, NPR, Literature, etc... However, what I am talking about is a straight up social ineptitude that makes the person you are having the conversation with increasingly uncomfortable. This is apparentely is the type of guy I attract, however, I am attracted to a guy that has a lot more self confidence and can own a room.

Needless to say, I get these dork/geek/nerd boys mentioned above trying to talk to me about anything they can. I get an arm up on my cube, and I get an earful about their... EXPENSE REPORTS! Give me a break. Seriously. I don't think that everybody likes me (I am far from the cute one) but I mean, why can't I get the attention of the one that I want. Or, why can't I give up on what I think I want and try to be open to new experiences. Just not with socially inept people. I can't bring them around my family - they will eat them alive!

Wedding Hoopla...

2009-01-19T21:58:00.000-08:00

So, its official. Eva is now married. After a long weekend of fun, friends, and family, I have to admit that I am absolutely exhausted. But I am so happy for Eva. She looked lovely on her big day and I can't believe she is actually married.

Some days I can't believe all of my friends are getting married - but I do think it is great. It reminds me of the Facebook group "My Friends are Getting Married, I'm Getting Drunk". I wasn't close to drunk at the wedding, but I think it shows the difference that I feel between some of my friends who are getting married.

I am sure my day will be coming, but not in the current situation I am in. I am not about to go on a husband search, but honestly, I think I need to start looking for quality people because sometimes I tend to be attracted to Mr. Goodtime, not Mr. Goodforme.

Okay, I think this is enough pontificating for one night.

In other news, I am stoked for the inauguration tomorrow. Getting ready for the changing of the guard...

Frustration...

2009-01-06T22:00:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I started off this new year trying to be productive and to really not let anything get in my way. The boy talked to me at length yesterday about his girlfriend. This is a fairly new development, and I have to say that when he told me about this, my heart sunk a little. Can I really be friends with him, and work with him when I am this emotionally invested?

He still cares about me (I am guessing what I was reading as interest in me could purely be a platonic friendship) and is still doing little things to make sure that I am aware of him. I just get frustrated that things work out against what I hoped - and even so, I can't escape seeing him. I am not sure that I would want to. But, its not so much a choice as a requirement.

Especially in this economy.

Mas Peyton...

2009-01-05T12:39:00.000-08:00

Ummm.... weird...

2009-01-04T17:15:00.000-08:00

This afternoon was a little different than planned. Eva and I were going to go for a walk, but then it turned into errands at REI and Office Max. Not totally eventful.

It started out with lunch/snack at Chipotle. I look over and see this guy talking to himself. I look over at Eva and realize who he is. My Spanish prof from Foothill. I shrug it off and go to eating my less carby burrito.

We then go into REI and check out the clearance section. The prof is working there! He comes up to us and says to me: "You used to work at REI..." I responded with a sturdy "No, I didn't." He then, realizes I was his Spanish student, and gets all odd (not that this whole situation wasn't entirely strange) and walks off.

Eva and I just looked at each other and thought it was odd. He just kept walking by me. I found this all a tad disturbing. Definitely not something I would have thought of happening.

Okay... and that was Sunday...

Totally Bummed...

2009-01-03T21:08:00.000-08:00

The Colts lost to the Chargers. I can't stand Phillip Rivers, and have a crush on Peyton Manning (one that I do not completely understand), so of course I am upset. Goodbye Peyton, we shall meet again next year. I guess for the next nine months I will have your Mastercard commercials to sustain me...

Tomorrow, Wildcard Weekend continues... keeping my fingers crossed for a Dolphins win, so the Steelers will play the Chargers and punch them in the mouth. Whoops, did I just say that?

Busy Saturday...

2009-01-03T17:09:00.000-08:00

Is it really Saturday? These weird weeks are really confusing me.

I woke up this morning to my cell phone going off. Yes, it was Anneli making prank calls from my mom's cell phone again. Nice. Just wanted to make sure I was up at 6:45 on my day off - I am not up that early on the days I have to go to work.

Needless to say, I kind of had a realization yesterday, that I need to have my dress fixed and cleaned for Eva's wedding, which is two weeks from tomorrow (Oh my god, I can't believe it). So I had to run around for that, because I have to look awesome for that. We gotsta keep it classy.

All of this running around (I don't need to bore you with the details) wears me out. I think 2009 is going to be the year of exhaustion.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T16:43:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I have been kind of absent from my blogging, I guess it is the holidays that were just getting to me. But I am back, and I am ready to start 2009 off right.

2008 wasn't a bad year for me. I started a new job, made some new friends, and have learned more about myself. However, as I continue to grow and become a more evolved person, I want to give myself some resolutions.

(1) Continue to get healthy. I have been working on this for a while now. I have pushed myself more and more; but I always forget to find the balance between my mental health and physical health. I am going to work on being thinner, happier, and challenge myself mentally.

(2) This one is related to the first one, but not completely. I resolve to start looking at business schools. I feel like if I have an MBA in my pocket, it can definitely help me move up in my career.

(3) Saving $$$. I know, I know. Everybody is probably resolving for this. I am already saving a fair amount of money, but I need to exercise some self control in spending. But again, I do like pretty things. Including an HDTV and blackberry. (sigh) Oh, capitalism, why are you so pretty and shiny?

(4) Taking more pride in myself and my possessions. Okay, so there was the camera incident. Yes, it was fueled by waaay too much Southern Comfort, Vodka, and Beer. However, I let in go for a swim in my lovely red drink cup. I need to recognize that I do spend money on all of these things and they are not all completely disposable. I will again try to make myself realize that I need to work on these things.

(5) As cliche and ridiculous as it may sound, I want to resolve to be happier and if that means finding a guy that will be somebody for me that will balance me out - so be it. Sometimes I think I found that person, but as my friends point out to me time and again, it is not right, but it does point out to me that I need to either provide a calming influence on myself, or find someone who will do this for me.

There is a lot to look forward to in 2009. My friends, family are getting married, which will be fun. I look forward to seeing my friends and family grow and spending time with everyone. Not to be too mushy, but thank you to everyone who has been there for me this past year and I can't wait to get 2009 started!

Sidenote: I am watching the Penn State/USC game - Why does SC make me hate them so much? Go Nittany Lions!

Getting Better All the Time...

2008-12-05T23:08:00.000-08:00

Okay, so first off, I am sitting in my family room at my folks house and I am absolutely freezing. Maybe its the wet hair. Or maybe its because nobody will turn the damn heat on! But I digress.

Last night was the Sharks game, I had an awesome time with Erica, James, and Kim. It is definitely something I would like to do a little more often. Just getting out of the house is always helpful.

This week has been full of ups and downs, and due to the subject matter of my last few blogs, it is clear what has been on my mind. And yes, there have been developments (as there always are) but I am choosing to stay happy and realize that happiness is a journey, not a destination.

So here's to the weekend, I need to get my grandma shopping done tomorrow. Aaack!

Weird Days...

2008-12-01T22:40:00.000-08:00

I have been sitting around my apartment tonight, just feeling sad for no real reason. If I could pinpoint the source, it would make my life so much easier. I need to be a happier person, and I have a feeling it would be a hell of a lot easier if I knew what is was that troubled me so. I think I keep blaming others for my unhappiness.

Truthfully, though, I am the only one who is in charge of my happiness. I need to remind myself of that, daily.

This picture of me kind of cheers me up... so there we go...

Thankful...

2008-11-27T15:27:00.000-08:00

It's been a week or two since I have last posted, but I think that sometimes it takes the holiday (or the holidays that are actually coming up) to slow down and appreciate some of the more important things... I guess if I were to unplug completely I could really reflect, but lets be honest, I am not really the type of person to unplug completely... but nevertheless...

Today, my Dad suggested that we play a family game of pick-up basketball down at Anneli's school. I was slightly reluctant to do anything, as I usually like to veg out and empty my brain on days off of work. I've also been into my own stuff, which has caused me to focus almost entirely on this part of my life and my own inadequacies... I feel like sometimes I just view myself as just going through the motions because this other part of me is so dedicated to this obsession that I can't bring myself to get over. I will, but as of now, I haven't yet.

I feel like I got into some daydream montage in my head, like the movies, and literally my friends, family, co-workers have to snap me out of it. But today, since it was Thanksgiving, I decided to push myself out of this funk and really authentically be present with my family this holiday (OMG - that sounds like some crazy Oprah-esque rhetoric).

And as we played basketball, we laughed, joked around and had an overall good time. For the first time in a while, my thoughts were not dominated by this cancer-like obsession, I was more focused on being me and trying to be happy. That is my goal from now on - to be happy and to attempt to be authentically present in my happiness.

I am thankful for my family this year (and every year). I am thankful for my parents, still being married and providing a solid base for myself and my siblings. I am thankful for all of my siblings and the relationships we have. Sometimes it is difficult based on schedules, distance, etc. but I am glad that we have grown up enough to be friends and sibling and there isn't a huge strain on the relationships that we have. I have some friends who can't stand their siblings, not us. I am thankful for Anneli. I am thankful that she came into our lives. For all of her crazy making, and there is quite a bit of it, she has given me an appreciation of how easy my life is, but her ability to dust herself off everyday and to try again in the face of all of these challenges, gives me the strength to keep trying in my career.

In closing, I hope everybody finds something that they are thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving, and lets get ready for the $hopping $eason...

OMG...OMG...OMG...

2008-11-16T20:27:00.001-08:00

So, of course, since I live in the bay area, I yet again was not allowed to see the Steelers game. And, they were playing the San Diego Chargers, so by rights, I really should have been able to see this game. But alas, I could not because of the stupid bay area rule that do not allow games to competing with the 49ers home games.

So, instead, I had to watch the 49ers stomp the Rams (even though they are coached by a guy my parents went to college with) and I am stuck watching the Gamecast on ESPN.com.

The Gamecast did not do the game justice! To see the highlights (including the botched call by the officials) you have to go to: http://www.nfl.com/gamecenter?game_id=29685&season=2008&displayPage=tab_gamecenter

TP was so robbed... I can't even find the words to say it.

But I heart my Steelers... we came away with a W. It feels good to be 7-3...

This sucks...

2008-11-15T17:01:00.001-08:00

My car isn't quite paid off yet (I am so close)... but I just had to drop some serious coin to get the front brakes replaced. I hate it when you have to incur expenses on something that is not even paid off yet. Grrr... Oh, and by the way, the stupid new manager at my apartment had the new painting team come and power wash the apartment building today (said it wouldn't happen until Monday) and it proceeded to get my freshly washed car that was parked in the car port completely dirty. Now I have to go to Ducky's, Lozano's or whatever and get it rewashed.... because I suck at getting all of the water spots off. Eh, I'm in Los Altos this weekend... I might just do it myself - since I am attempting to be frugal...

More Election Stuff Talking About J-Town...

2008-11-14T12:16:00.001-08:00

I DID IT!!!!!!

2008-11-12T20:12:00.000-08:00

It took my flippin' forever, but I finally finished "As I Lay Dying". The book was really slow, but as part of my own personal campaign to read all of the American Literature that I was too lazy to read in high school/college...

I'm outta here, bitches!

2008-11-06T21:27:00.001-08:00

I am off to LA tomorrow after work. This little trek couldn't come at a better time because I am feeling this craziness from work and personally... I just need a break... look out Los Angeles!

Follow-Hope

2008-11-05T19:49:00.001-08:00

Yes We Can

2008-11-04T22:18:00.000-08:00

Transcript: Obama's acceptance speech

1 hr 2 mins ago

Remarks of President-Elect Barack Obama-as prepared for delivery
Election Night
Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
Chicago, Illinois

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference.

It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled - Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.

It's the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.

I just received a very gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and he's fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on that train home to Delaware, the Vice President-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last sixteen years, the rock of our family and the love of my life, our nation's next First Lady, Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia, I love you both so much, and you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the White House. And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my campaign manager David Plouffe, my chief strategist David Axelrod, and the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics - you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you've sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to - it belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington - it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.

It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give five dollars and ten dollars and twenty dollars to this cause. It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation's apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organized, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from this Earth. This is your victory.

I know you didn't do this just to win an election and I know you didn't do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime - two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century. Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mortgage, or pay their doctor's bills, or save enough for college. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America - I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you - we as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we know that government can't solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way it's been done in America for two-hundred and twenty-one years - block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began twenty-one months ago in the depths of winter must not end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek - it is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It cannot happen without you.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it's that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers - in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.

Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House - a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, "We are not enemies, but friends...though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection." And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn - I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world - our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down - we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security - we support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright - tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.

For that is the true genius of America - that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing - Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons - because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America - the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves - if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time - to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth - that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes We Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America.

Monday Night Football

2008-11-03T23:00:00.001-08:00

So, we begin another week. Of course I was excited, because my beloved Steelers were on Monday Night Football. And we won... what up! We did lose Ben at the half, but Leftwich totally stepped up - I will give him props for that but in all honestly, I was a little nervous when I saw him warming up. I was definitely missing Charlie Batch. But we pulled it out.

And since we are on the topic of Monday Night Football, can I say how interesting it was to see Obama and McCain being interviewed by Boomer. The worst interviews ever! And, then Boomer totally pulled the same line on both of them. Saying that their football teams were doing well, so that was a good omen. What are you trying to say, Boomer? A co-presidency? Or you are an equal opportunity brown-noser?

Okay, I am off to bed, as I have a big day full of civic duty in the morning.

Matt Nathanson

2008-11-02T11:11:00.000-08:00

So last night I went to see Matt Nathanson at the Warfield up the city. I went to this concert because a friend of mine wanted to see The Brake and Repair Method that was opening for Matt. I've heard of Matt and had downloaded a song or two of his, so I thought why not. Since I knew this concert was going on I had downloaded his entire album as well as The Brake and Repair Method. I am definitely now a fan of both. I guess seeing someone in concert may actually be that thing to get your over the hump of being a fan. But it was really awesome and I am really glad that I went to it. Matt is from San Francisco, so the fact that he was playing for his home crowd, I am sure made the concert even better. I always forget how much I love live music until I go and experience it. I am definitely going to keep his name up on my concerts to check out and you should to. He is currently "on the rise" which means that he won't be selling out Shoreline (he didn't even sell out the Warfield) but he has a steady following.

They're talking about J-Town!!!!!!!!

2008-10-29T17:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think...

2008-10-28T20:17:00.000-07:00

Somedays I come home from work and I think how great it would be to be able to have the kind of energy where I can work all day, workout, come home, make dinner, have time to clean and live this idyllic little life where I am so neat and tidy and yet I still have time to read great novels, and bake cookies.

However, I am stuck in a world where I am in the office until 7 most days (yay for leaving at 6 today to get my nails done). If I am lucky enough to have time to work out I do, and yet, my apartment is a complete sty, my fridge has nothing in it (only Lean Cuisines and open bags of corn).

I wish I had the time to do these things and have everything be perfect. So I can be this cute as a button, Susie Homemaker-Independent Woman who can still do it all. But alas, I can't. I'm only one person, and a lazy one outside of the office at that. (Sigh).

Thinking about stuff...

2008-10-27T22:07:00.000-07:00

In the last few months I have developed a friendship that only can be described as odd and frustrating. He is very hot and cold with me. Yes, there seems to be a steady flirtation going, but at some point in all of my guy friend relationships (sans the ones of my girlfriends' SO's...) have always had a flirtation element to it. What worries me is that my ability to be a real friend gets stuck in this weird thought process that there might be something else there.

As soon as I convince myself that nothing is there anymore, it comes back with a vengeance. He will look at me, or say something that gives me hope. That hope can be a funny thing, because what I desperately want is somebody to pay attention to me an care. And he does. He seeks my approval on things, he checks in with me, he invites me to things. While I don't always give him the satisfaction of being interested or telling him how wonderful he is, he still comes around.

However, whenever I do show interest (at least more than I should) he backs away. I wish I understood this great mystery. However, I feel like I am stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Mentally, logically, I know I should just move past this. It is so hard when you see this person because you are obligated to. You want to move on and just get comfortable with being alone. Maybe re-group. But you can't seem to do that, because the second you convince yourself that you are on the road to recovery - look at what ends up happening. You end up taking 15 steps back and you are where you were in May. It doesn't make it any better for you.

I guess I feel this weird obligation to be further along in my life. Whether it be relationships, work, what I have. And yet, here I am thinking about a crush. I feel like I am stuck in some weird Molly Ringwald movie where she desperately hopes Jake Ryan will come and rescue her.

In my stupid little daydream, I envision coming home from work or leaving the office and he is there either sitting at the door of my apartment (which is ridiculous - this place is locked up like Fort Knox) or standing by my car when I leave the office, asking me to talk. (Which again, I have seen way too many romantic comedies, and suddenly, my daydreams are cliches.)

Its pretty ridiculous and then I come back to realizing how absolutely ridiculous I am and that maybe I should really start to involve myself in other things, as with my obsessive compulsive personality, that is usually the only way to get myself to move on. I distract myself from the thing I think I really want. That way, I realize that I didn't really want it in the first place.

Wedding Season Continues...

2008-10-26T21:42:00.000-07:00

Wedding season is in full swing, I made a little trip over to Sacramento this afternoon to celebrate Erica and James' engagement. Yay - what a lovely area her sister lives in. It was so nice to visit with her family and friends at a low key event. Erica's friends are completely awesome, and immediately started to invite me to some of their get togethers. They were so sweet, and it made me feel comfortable since I knew absolutely no one except for the the bride and groom. It was very relaxed... Of course, I love low key, so I loved this... I would like to point out how much I love this pick of E&J. Its so them, it kills me. But, I must say, I did use some restraint by not using the picture of James with ribbon in his hair. Because, as Erica would say "We's gotsta keep it classy."

I also had an opportunity to have dinner with my sister and her boyfriend in the city this evening. Joanna, Chris, and I dined at the Luna Park in the Mission. It was super delicious, I highly recommend it. Anyways, it is always nice to see my sister without the hustle and craziness that goes with the usual Rullo events. (And of course, we got a chance to debrief the craziness from the Penn. wedding weekend).

Overall, and excellent cap to my weekend.

Back to work in the AM (sigh)...

PENN STATE!!!!!!!!

2008-10-25T21:16:00.001-07:00

There are two things I love in this world, Pennsylvania and football. When they come together and have a positive football season (which does not happen that often, except for my beloved Steelers - one for the thumb) I get very excited about it. So here's to inching closer to a 12-0 record with Joe Pa at the helm. The man is 81 years young. Very impressive! Since I was just in/near Paternoville, I thought I would show Penn State some love. I am also hoping that the Steelers crush the Giants tomorrow. Even though I won't be able to tune in to witness it. Those Niners/Raiders screw everything up for me...

Got the invite...

2008-10-25T17:19:00.001-07:00

I came down to my parents house this afternoon and my invite for Eva and Ben's wedding is here! I can't believe it is getting time for that. Plus Eva will be back here in less than two months. Yay!

PS - since I don't have a picture of Eva and Ben, I guess I have to go with a picture of Eva and me.

Scale trippin...

2008-10-25T12:01:00.000-07:00

So today was my first day back at Weight Watchers in about a month. I have been traveling around, and been uber busy and haven't made my way over there. And I think what is the most astonishing, considering all of the cookies, cake, take-out, dining out that I have done in the last month, I have only gained 3 pounds. But you know what? Game on. I am back on the plan. Yay! I've already lost 20 lbs. Let's do this!

I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

2008-10-24T20:45:00.000-07:00

It's the end of the week! Thank goodness... I must say that it has been one hell of a week and I have been forcing myself to relax. I haven't brought my work laptop home at all this week (and those of you who have been around me for the past few months know that this is a very large feat). Still I sit in this apartment full of laundry and papers from before the wedding, I think that I can never totally relax and even when I do relax there is a timer on it.

Take today for instance... I woke up late (grrr...) and raced to work. Stuck in 101 traffic (why when I love 5 miles from the office does it take me a half hour to get to work. I don't get it!), finally get to the office a half hour later than I had intended. I bust my butt with all of these various tasks for each one of our upcoming webcasts. Needless to say, I am exhausted. I get a text from Melissa for dinner this evening, which will be nice, since I need to think about something else other than work.

Within a half hour, my mom calls. As most of you know, I tend to have familial responsibilities that pop up at random times. Since my Dad was in Chicago on business, she needed somebody to follow Anneli around at her class scavenger hunt. Of course, does my little sister get that involved with this? Of course not. She was much more interested in running away anyway.

I guess what I am getting at is that I feel completely run down from pushing myself at work, pushing myself at home, pushing myself with my family, pushing myself with my friendships. On top of that, I have people (okay, really he who shall remain nameless) telling me that I need to start going out and being social. Which really means going out and drinking, which I do pretty well, but I guess the idea of taking on an actual relationship means pushing myself even harder, when what I really should be doing is focusing on me, and trying to get some flippin rest.

Of course, tomorrow is Saturday. Another big day of pushing myself to do things that I rather have somebody else do. I think I have finally realized why people have personal assistants...

Bristol's Choice

2008-10-23T22:10:00.000-07:00

This aired on the Daily Show during the Republican National Convention. I feel like it is done is such a way that shows how ridiculous people can be, and how some times it takes a comedy show to point out their hypocrisy. Enjoy!

What a week...

2008-10-23T19:47:00.000-07:00

Today, I am starting my blog. All of my friends are doing it, so I think... why not me too. Silly, as it may seem, I am responding to peer pressure of the online variety. Not that it is really peer pressure. Whatever. So, I am guessing those of you who actually read this, no me well enough to know when I ramble and when to scroll down. Haha!

Well, anyways, the past couple of weeks have been quite intense. I recently flew back to Pennsylvania for the wedding of my cousin, Allison. It was great to see the whole family again. We haven't been together since my grandfather's death and subsequent funeral in April. While it was happy, I couldn't help but think back to my grandfather... good old Papa Rullo. He was just a funny guy; not the most tactful chap you ever met, but he meant well and he loved his family. For those of you who don't know, there were close to 2,000 people who came to his viewing to give their condolences to my grandmother. A very moving experience... now some of those people were at Allie's wedding. While we all share in the joy of this special day, I can't help but be moved back to where I was six months ago, standing in my kitchen in my Burlingame apartment when my Dad called to give me the news. Sometimes, it doesn't seem real. When I saw my uncle walking my grandmother down the aisle alone it felt very real... and so it goes...

We had a great time, silliness was had by all. Anneli was loving it. She was on that dance floor the whole night! We literally had to drag her off when they were closing up shop. She danced and sang and had a great time. Sometimes when you look at children that are so carefree and happy you realize that at some point along the way you lost that. You became to obsessed at work or school or with some other force that is making you forget that you should be having a good time and to just live in the moment.

I was stoked when I got back from PA to find an email from Radka asking me if she could come up for the weekend. Truth be told, she was coming up regardless... and I sort of do that with her when I travel down south to her neck of the woods. We had an awesome time - dinner with Anne (I think the waitress didn't like me or thought I was raised in a barn, because they would not bring me silverware...no matter who many times I asked), watching a little football (Go Penn State! Radka was asleep the whole time!), off to the birthday booze cruise (honestly, I don't remember much about it :-)), and just the basic chill out the day after - and of course talking to Eva (we miss you sooooooo much!). A packed weekend, followed by a packed week at work. I am so blessed to have the friends and family that I do. I will stop being mushy now. But sometimes, you are going to catch me being sentimental...